Saturday VISION
By Hilary Bainemigisha
Gather around everybody! The Kampala marathon is upon us. I have expert advice from someone who has no idea about running marathons on Kampala streets.
By the end of these six points, you will be looking for me and what you will not give me I cannot tell. But even if you just enjoy the marathon, you will have paid me greatly. So, pay attention:
Point One : Before you participate, ask yourself one very important question: Can you cheat? If you are Ugandan or if you have lived during the times of Golola, Bamugemereire and corruption, you should consider how to win without winning. The details are officially unethical, but I know you will be privately contacting me on how to reap without sowing. As long as you are not caught.
Point Two : Do not tell me you read somewhere that running marathons with your partner is recommended! Sorry, probably the writer has never been to Kampala. Stepping out together is a very good idea, but a marathon is not stepping out. What if he gets lost in the crowd?
Worse still, she can remain visible, but distracted by a more muscular guy running close and refusing to get lost. You do not want to disorganise the marathon, looking for your dear one, would you?
And if both of you run, who will massage the other? You may both end up on the receiving end and you do not want to delegate the role to a house girl or a best friend!
Point Three : Sorry! That MTN gives running kits is grossly exaggerated. They do not give shoes, underwear and trousers, you have to buy or borrow. Borrowing makes economic sense, but has no romantic sagacity.
The guy who lends you the tracksuit may have a girlfriend in the race and girls can tell what their guys wear from a mile away. See how you become a subject of degrading talk?
Remember, you are not deceiving anybody. No one thinks you are running for water, so stop pretending. We know you are running so that you can have fun, meet people who pretend to think you are running for water and be able to mention later that you actually ran a marathon.
So, what tracksuit will you point at if the owner has retrieved their clothes. Go buy, do not borrow. You probably do not know how to run in shoes that are not yours. You may spoil them and end up paying, using the money you could have used to acquire your own, which you can spoil at no cost.
Point Four : Be mindful of your figure when choosing the outfit. The MTN people have spent a lot of money on their thing; do not spoil it with a shape you would not want to be associated with at a meeting of your in-laws.
If baggy clothes have always hidden your significant asymmetry, do not make new friendships with tights. It is a city marathon; be smart.
Point Five : No sex! If you have not been abstaining from sex till today, keep off it tonight. You should have started Monday. But experience is the best teacher, so suffer the consequences so that you advise yourself come the 2014 marathon.
Point Six : You do not have to win. Do not take the name of the activity seriously. Many who show up will have letters F.U.N. spelled all over their faces. In fact, when you suffer with painful wrinkles because the distance is harassing you, you will be to blame.
Find another slow or walking colleague and start KB about Lukwago. It is all about Kampala. You may even end up with a business card of a potential something.
Who will massage the other?
Stepping out together is a very good idea, but a marathon is not stepping out. What if he gets lost in the crowd? Or she remains visible, but distracted by a more muscular guy running close?
You do not want to disorganise the people’s marathon looking for your dear one, would you? And if both of you run, who will massage the other? You may both end up on the receiving end and you do not want to delegate the role to a house girl or a best friend!